Fat Girls Guide to (Fat) Girls Gone Wild

Well, well, well. Fat Girls do love a good come-up-ens.

The purveyor of the wildly successful Girls Gone Wild videos (and now a clothing line! Oh boy!!) is in jail.

Anal rape ain't such a turn on when it happens to you, is it, Joe?

Fat Girls hate predators.

(pervy predators, not the Nashville Predators NHL team. Some of them are beautiful. We love them.)

Fat Girls believe in taking personal responsibility, so while Joe "I hope no one is filming this" Francis is a douchebag, we must hold the girls (surely they cannot be women. I am a woman. We are not the same.) responsible, too. Ladies, because it seems many of you do not have a Fat Girl in your life to keep yo ass straight, here are some tips:

1. Girls flash their breasts whenever asked. Women give you a cleavage tease and a swift kick in the ass.
2. Girls hook up. Women keep the hook on that bra in place until the time is right.
3. Girls think in the present. Women plan ahead so they'll be ready for important things (like free ice cream).
4. Girls don't recognize warning signs. Women know a skeezy dickhead when they see one.
5. Girls will do anything in front of a camera. Women know to demand makeup, a food table, and an ass double before they'll even have their driver's license photo taken, much less a movie.


With the Girls Gone Wild creator in jail now, it's time for a NEW girls gone wild.

Fat Girls Gone Wild.

Imagine it:

3 women, sizes 10, 14, and 20, push over a frail tanorexic to reach the last scoop of Chunky Monkey at the Ben & Jerry's store. Then, in a sugar-induced haze they cruise the streets looking for men dating women totally out of their league. When they spot one they jump out of their car, pull out his new hair, and show the unwitting date his AARP card. With their good deed done for the day the 3 fat girls gone wild head to the club for a little VIP. They give the bouncer a break and proceed to take the law into their own hands using only a spatula, someone's weave, and Queen sized pantyhose.

THAT, my friends, is Girls Gone Wild.