The Fat Girls 2007 List of Heroes

This has been an AWESOME year.

If you were fat. If not, you were really fucked. Skinny girls spent a lot of time in jail, didn't they?
Our Wall of Heroes for 2007 (in no particular order):

10. Paris Hilton's Grandfather: Thank you for taking away all her money. It would have been better if you'd given it away to Fat Girls. That woulda really said "Suck It!", but I suppose charity is OK, too.

9. Joe Simpson, Father of Jessica Simpson: You have single-handedly ruined your daughter's career and shown the world just how stupid she really is. For that, Fat Girls thank you. And the fact that your spawn is terrorizing the Dallas Cowboys makes us love you even more.

8. Unplanned pregnancy: Making skinny, rich girls fat! It's a dream come true!

7. Dame Helen Mirren: We can call you Dame, your movies are great, and your flabby arms make us all think that deep down, you're a Fat Girl.

6. Hillary Clinton's Cankles: Back in the spotlight! Not helping! Cankles may be the only thing that can stop her, and for that, we salute them.

5. Vagina: We've all got one and now we can look at one of the MANY we were introduced to in 2007.

4. Fat Girl Celebrities: Including America Ferrera (Ugly Betty), Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy), and Chandra Wilson (also of Grey's Anatomy). It does not include Britney Spears, pregnant celebrities, or anyone on Celebrity Fit Club.

3. Jennifer Hudson: You kicked Beyonce's ASS! That's a lot of ass to kick, too, but you did it! Now quit trying to loose more weight.

2. Paula Abdul: Alcoholism and/or drug use has never been so funny. Her TV show Hey Paula! was like an after school special about what happens to the cheerleader when she gets high.

1. Political Women who Kicked Ass: Benazir Bhutto, who died on 12/28: The first woman democratically elected as the head of a Muslim nation, Bhutto was an icon for strong women. She was killed when an assassin shot her and then blew himself up during a political rally. Aung San Suu Kyi, the leader of the NDL party in Myanmar, is still living under house arrest in Burma by the military government. Why don't I want Hillary Clinton to be the first female US president? Because she can't hold a candle to women like Aung San Suu Kyi or Benazir Bhutto.

And of course, ALL the Fat Girls who continue to make life difficult, demand greatness, and make no excuses for their love of ice cream.

The Fat Girls Guide to Fugly Shoes- Winter

What the hell is with winter boots with stiletto heals?

From a purely practical standpoint- that's make no f-ing sense. I mean, come on.

From an estetic standpoint- they are ugly as sin. They're like something an Inuit hooker would wear.

And the amount of time it must take to lace those things up!?

No self respecting Fat Girl is going to wear those things. Why?

1. Our fat ass calves will not fit into them.
2. Where do we need to be both in stilettos and ready for a blizzard?
3. You can't wear them with sweat pants.

A Fat Girl's Playlist

What do Fat Girls listen to?

1. "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap"- AC/DC

2. "Love Shack" - B-52's

3. "Fighter" - Christina Aguilera

4. "Take It Off" - The Donnas

5. "Sometimes It Takes Balls to Be a Woman" - Elizabeth Cook

6. "Not Big" - Lily Allen

7. "Don't Call Me Baby" - Madison Avenue

8. "I Put a Spell On You" - Natacha Atlas

6. "You Can Feel Bad" - Patty Loveless

7. "Fat Bottomed Girls" - Queen

8. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" - Pat Benetar

9. "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" - En Vogue

10. "You Don't Own Me" - Dusty Springfield

11. "I'm Not Ready to Make Nice" - Dixie Chicks