The Fat Girls Guide to People Watching

A Fat Girls night out is complete with a trip to a large public place such as a bus station, airport, or central booking for any metropolitan police department.

Why?

Simple. Fat Girls love to people watch. The best things in life are free, and that includes snooping.

A true Fat Girl takes people watching to the next level. It's not enough to look at them; we must grade them.

Thus.

The Fat Girls guide to People Watching

1: The elusive 1 rating means you need an AMAZING sense of humor and all of George Clooney's charm just to make it through a day, and sex is probably out of the picture. Because of beer, these people do not exist.

2: Still sad, but not a 1, so they at least have that going for them.

3: This is rough, but they can have fulfilling lives. A LOT of people fall into this category. When you really start looking, it's startling.

4: Alright, now we're getting somewhere. A 4 has experienced a great deal of trauma from being made fun of, they may not be rocket scientists, but they are very nice people. Except the one's who think they are 10s when they're really 4s. Those people are just bitches.

5: You're normal. Average. No one is going to point you out in the crowd for being amazing or shield their children from your DNA. The trademark of a 5 is one or two excellent attributes (such as a really great ass or amazing hair) that, when combined with everything else, makes you think, "man, that ass is as as out of place as Paris Hilton in church."

6: Just above average. Overall, you're good. When in a group someone will notice your physical appearance and suggest, without alcohol, that they would, "do you".

7: This is where most people aspire to land. You're a good looking person and, even if you're overwheight or struggling with a physical ailment (such as acne or an oddly placed birthmark) people will still describe you as attractive. Jobs are a little easier to get, but you still had better be smart.

8: You always dreamed of moving to Los Angeles/New York/Las Vegas/Miami to break into acting/theatre/dancing/modeling. You could probably make a career out of it, but you need to lose 10 lbs, start smoking, and don't ever admit to those pictures you took "for your boyfriend". Or you could just live on reality tv.

9: Wow. You're a celebrity. You may not be on People's List every year, but you've made it. If somehow you did not make it to Hollywood, you are probably living in a nice home, driving a nice SUV, and you're a member of an elite church. Most people hate you, and you probably hate yourself. Eating disorders are a common side effect.

10: Reserved for George Clooney, Angelina Jolie's lips, and that one woman you saw topless on a trip to Jamaica/Bali/French Rivera when you were in college.

With that scale in mind, it is important to recognize dating protocol to maintain balance in your relationships:

1s - 5s should only date 2 steps above or below them. For example: a 4 can date a 2 or a 6. A 5 could go from a 3 all the way up to a 7 . 1's should just buy stock in beer companies.

6's can only date 4-7. 8s are just a little too ambitious.

7s can only date 6-8. Let's face it, 9s are out of their league.

8s can only date 7 -9. Their low-level careers are delicately balanced and cannot afford an ugly partner, and their precarious position could damage someone too high.

9s can date an 8 (but only with a great personality) or a 10.

10s can date a 9 (to show other 10s they can keep it real) or another 10.

Keep these scales in mind when sitting in the park/looking for a date/checking out match.com.