The Fat Girls Guide to Saving Britney Spears

It's time.

It's time that the Fat Girls of the world rushed to Britney Spears and did some old fashion Fat Girl ass kickin'.

The main issue with Britney Spears is this: She wants to be a Fat Girl, but she just isn't.
Also, she's most likely on meth or crack and has some mental health issues.

Today let's focus on her Fat Girl Issue.

Here's the clues:

1. Loves Cheetos.
2. weight fluctuation.
3. Random acts of violence.

However, here's the problems with her being a Fat Girl:

1. She had sex with Justin Timberlake.
2. Consistently bad weave
3. Not wearing underwear

Now, sex with Justin Timberlake is clearly not something a Fat Girl would do. We need our men to be uglier than we are.

And a bad weave, well, girl, that's just not OK. They ship hair in from India that is gorgeous, and we all know she's makin' enough money to go down to Kim's Hair Plus and get her some real hair. That shit looks like Rick James without the Afro Sheen.

Every Fat Girl wears underwear. It's just polite.

Now that it is clearly established that Britney Spears is NOT a Fat Girl, we have a responsibility to save her.

Here's my plan:

I need 3 Fat Girls, a bottle of anti depressants, approximately 25 miles of Cheetos, a greyhound ticket, and enough Saran Wrap to cover the state of Louisiana.

1 Fat Girl leaves a trail of Cheetos to the Hollywood bus station leading onto a Greyhound bus.
Once Britney finishes the trail of Cheetos, and you know she will, the 2nd Fat Girl pops her full of some anti depressants, and puts her on the bus with a small travel bag of Cheetos.
When she arrives in Louisiana the 3rd Fat Girl will Saran Wrap the state, forcing her to stay both fresh and away from the rest of the country/her children.

I believe my plan provides the following:

1. Punishment to Louisiana for making the rest of us deal with their problems.
2. A much needed publicity campaign for Greyhound.
3. The opportunity for the media to turn their attention away from Britney and on to Katie Holmes, who is clearly being brainwashed and is next on my list to save.