Fat Girls Guide to Walking

Just because we're Fat Girls doesn't mean we shouldn't get our exercise.

I prefer to exercise in the form of walking (to Dairy Queen).

When a Fat Girl goes out for a casual walk, it is important to go prepared. The streets are dangerous and so are Fat Girls.

1. Pack a snack. Or several. If you, like me, always end up sitting at a cross walk waiting for the little person to tell you it's safe to walk, you might get hungry and a box of Little Debbies should do the trick.

2. Use several routes to provide variety and security. Using multiple routes will also allow for a greater chance that someone new will whistle at you.

3. To wear a bra or not to wear a bra? THIS is the most important question in a Fat Girls life (besides which ice cream to eat). If the whistles and honks start to die down, consider going braless. If not wearing a bra means you look like you have swollen ankles, consider a push up bra and a top 1 size too small. Be prepared for the results of a braless/push up bra walk.

4. When the strange old man in the car that smells like a cough drop asks if you need a ride, don't be fooled by his wonky eye and the oxygen tank. This kind of perv is as fast as a cat and will grab your ass before you know what hit ya.

5. Do NOT stray onto private property to touch an animal that "looks harmless". If the animal doesn't kill you, the freak who lives at that house will. Fat Girls are not known for agility.

6. Avoid walking anywhere near people who are walking their pets in little baby buggies. I don't even need to explain why.

7. When a small, random child on a bike begins to follow you, don't panic. Casually pick up a rock in case the little shit comes at you in some weird Children of the Corn replay.