Fat Girls Guide to Surviving Inclement Weather

Fat Girls know weather is a bitch. Personally, I don't put up with her attitude. I just slap her back. Then she kicks my ass with humidity and wrecks my hair.

But weather is just a part of life, so we need to deal with it. I'm confused by people (mostly non-Fat Girls) who are shocked when bad weather happens. If you live in the South, you're going to have tornadoes. If you live in a canyon in Southern California your home will eventually burn down. It's not that unpredictable, folks.

Since most people apparently can't handle Mother Nature's wrath, it's important for the Fat Girls to be prepared.

1. A well-stocked emergency kit will always have Little Debbie snack cakes, beer, and a really big stick to fight off looters.

2. Once the storm has passed, check yourself in a mirror or a shiny piece of debris before coming out into the open. You never know when the camera crews will come, and no Fat Girl goes on TV lookin like crap.

3. Natural disasters are excellent opportunities to meet a cute emergency responder.

4. Because Fat Girls tend to be mouthy and abrasive, we make excellent enforcers. After a disaster it's important to have people around who can keep the looters under control. And by under control I mean in a headlock.