The Fat Girls Guide to Who Should Be Banned from Driving

I want to say: I am a freaking awesome driver. Amazing.

You want to be me. Admit it.

Because of my incredibleness I'm tired of bad drivers. So tired, in fact, that I'm hoping they give me some stimulus money to fix not the roads but the people who use them.

Let's ban some drivers!

# 1: Ban all douche bags from getting drivers licenses.
Let's face it- douche bags make lousy drivers. They also make lousy lovers, but that's another blog. I may hate Cosmo, but their quizes are very popular and written at a 3rd grade level. We could totally find the douche bags by giving them a quiz at the DMV. If they can't pass it, they don't get a driver's license. Done.

# 2: Ban people who are afraid of weather.
People, weather is all around you. If you're afraid of it, you shouldn't be on the road. If a puddle makes you stop dead in your tracks, if you don't understand slowing down when there's no visability, or think that cold weather means drive like a smuck, then you don't get your driver's license.

# 3: When you see a stop sign and come to a complete stop, put your car in park, and turn off the engine, you don't get a driver's license.
Here's the thing. Stop signs are really suggestions. Like speed limits and drinking ages. If no one is coming, don't stop all the way! Slow down, sure, but then you gun it and burn rubber! I believe this is mostly old people, so nature will take care of them.

These are the first 3 groups to face losing their licenses. Don't be a douche, man up when you see weather, and don't stop when you see red signs.

It's the only way you'll keep me from taking your license.